I was just thinking earlier today about posting some of my thoughts about CFC's treatment of eunuchship. Gee, what a coincidence. Warning: SARCASM - It must be the influence of Satan that we both thought about this on the same day! If the pastors of CFC preach the same message on the same day, it's a wonderful gift from God to be marveled at, but when we do it, it's straight from the pits of hell. :)
When we first started our website, we received some lovely pieces of hate email. One of the ladies that wrote me seemed to think that I was trying to cover up the fact that I had once made a vow of eunuchship, and that somehow I had no place to speak about being abused or manipulated. I suppose that since I was "unable to keep my vow" I was much less righteous and holy than she, and therefore incapable of judging righteous judgment. I told her that I would eventually respond to all the lame points she made. So here goes my response to this one.
First, let me detail my feelings about my accountability in this matter. I made that decision, thinking I knew full well what it meant. Whether or not I knew, I am fully accountable for it, and if God sees fit to punish me for it, then there's not a whole heck of a lot I can do about it now, is there? I do not own a time machine, and I am now married, so the breaking of the vow can't be undone. Even if I did own a time machine, I might prevent an earlier version of myself from breaking his vow, but I myself would still be a transgressor, but let's not split hairs here.
Does that mean I'll go to hell? CFC seems to think so - in fact, at one time there was a study on their site that said a eunuch that breaks his vow will be lost forever because he has paid attention to the distraction of Satan (such a nice thing to say about my wife, don't you think?), or something to that effect. I wonder if such 'unforgivability' also applies to a pastor that breaks his marriage vows to have sex with other men? I guess if LR's in heaven then I might have a shot at it, too. :) By the way, they took that statement out (and perhaps the entire study; I haven't checked lately) because public statements like that make good fodder for the "CFC is a loopy church full of gay men" argument.
Did I study about eunuchship all on my own, and make that vow with no outside help? Nope; when I had been in the church less than three months a brother took me aside and decided to share a little about it. This happened several times over the next few months, and I decided that "it was the life for me" when I was standing 0300-0700 Feed Control Watch on January 22, 1991 in #2 Engine Room on the USS Mississippi as we were in the midst of Desert Storm - just short of 11 months after I was saved. Upon returning to Norfolk, this was the extent of pastoral counseling on such a monumentous decision: "Hey, you know you can't change your mind about this, even if you meet someone you really like; are you sure you want to do it?" "Yes." "Great, brother! Let's go to the fellowship hall for lunch." (This conversation took place in a hallway, not in someone's office like you would hope a formal counseling session would). I was young (just turned 20), and a 15-second exchange is all it takes for a pastor to think I understand a committment that I can never back out of? Such concern for my well-being is truly stunning. They were, however, sure to take the time to add my name to the database of names of eunuchs they maintained.
Just a side note here - why is it that CFC thinks 15 seconds of discussion is enough to confirm a life committment like eunuchship, and yet you have to date for a year and get pastoral couseling (and permission) before you're allowed to get married? Never mind the fact that you need their permission just to date in the first place. Just something to think about.
What were my motivations? I wanted to do something great with my life, and what an opportunity that was! To be one of such an elite group - there are only supposed to be 144,000 of them in the whole of earth's existence! There was also the "prophecy" of the 200 young men (I'll have to post something about that later) from CFC that God was going to use to save the world. Due to a lack of my understanding, I thought only people that were virgins could make that committment (this is not the case in CFC doctrine, as I would learn much later), and I thought that since so many other guys would make that committment if they had the chance, then I shouldn't pass it up. If I was supposed to be one of the 200, and I didn't commit, then millions of people would be lost because of my selfish desire to be married!
Over the years in CFC, I've heard several personal accounts of people that were pressured by their "brothers in Christ" to become a eunuch, so I guess I wasn't alone there. Some men have even been told by the pastors that it's their calling, and that if they didn't make the vow they'd go to hell. Goading someone into making a committment like that is a powerful method of control, since you can crush them with guilt if they ever want to change their mind. If you get married, you can't provide the church with 80% of your paycheck and 10 hours of free labor a day for the rest of your useful life, and we just can't have that, now can we? :)
Just my happily married $.02,
Alan